Thursday, 12 January 2012

The Lidl Job Interview

Checking through your e-mail inbox is usually a fairly standard procedure. No, I don't want to buy viagra. No, I don't want to give you my credit card details just because I've won the Nigerian Lottery, which I don't remember entering. Oh, hello. What's this?

It was an e-mail for Lidl inviting me to a group interview at their Regional Distribution Centre. I was pretty suprised. I say I was suprised because Lidl say that you will hear back within 28 days of applying. I hadn't heard back for two months. Still, it was pleasing and I made my plans to head to the interview.

The day swiftly came. It began early, too early if I may say so. I woke up at 6:30AM to ensure I got a lift from my Mum to New Malden station for the 7:25AM train. Now, I planned to go to McDonald's and have one of their delicious breakfasts. I got out of the car. The lights were on and I could almost taste the McBacon Sandwich. However, it wasn't open. 9AM. Fuck. I was two hours early. 

I hasten to say that it was a freezing cold morning and I didn't take a coat as I was suited and booted and I thought a coat would ruin the ambience that I was building in my dress sense. So far things were not going my way. 

However, by the time that I reached London Waterloo, things were looking up. Burger King was open. Success. They did a Sausage Sandwich. Even more of a result. They also served lots of tiny Hash Browns. This was excellent. I made the short journey to Waterloo East and waited for my train like the cat who got the cream, or in my case, the cat who got his breakfast. 

The train journey flew by. I reached Belvedere (No, I haven't got a clue where it is still) and I checked my watch. It was 8:30. Hold up. 8:30? I was an hour and a half early and the Regional Distribution Centre was just 15 minutes away. I didn't want to seem that keen that Lidl would probably eject me from the premises. What would I do?

Well, I discovered a large B&Q. Oh, and it was warm. Very warm. So, I spent about 45 minutes in the store pretending to take an interest in its many, many household products. I even rated every kitchen design they'd put together out of ten in my head. I will tell you now, B&Q do a cracking range of showers. 

After leaving B&Q, I made the short journey to the centre. I reached some traffic lights and I pressed the button. I waited patiently, largely because I didn't want to be run over by the traffic. However, some social rebel soon turned up and she pressed the button. She was rude, very rude. Does she not trust that I have pressed the button?

Anyway, I arrived and the interview and subsequent math test went suprisingly well. I even managed to sneak in a question about the Working Time Directive. That is how cool I am. I know about this stuff. 

I got back on the train home and reflected on how grown up I had been today. I was dressed up in a suit and tie, the interview had gone well and it had felt like a successful day. 

I await the rejection letter from Lidl.

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  1. That's a shedload of effort for a Lidl job. Top marks. Presumably they'll think you're too good for them...

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