The Saturday Spent Drinking

I've always wondered what it would be like to drink all day in various different places partaking in all manner of activities.

I have spent the odd time when I've spent a fair portion of a day drinking, though that was more sporadic and mostly just down the pub. However, this Saturday that all changed.

It began with a trip to Tesco where with stocked up with various assortments of alcohol. We then made the short trip to Hobbycraft to buy a certain, particular type of fabric that would be very important come the evening. We brought a lot of leopard print and I guarantee that all will be explained later.

After this mini-shopping trip, it was time for the pub for round one. It was the conclusion of the 6 Nations and so we watched the crunch Wales vs France game and drunk many a beer. Wales won so anyone but the French population of the university were happy and spirits were high.

We then made it over to my housemates' friends house where beer pong was played. I will let you in on a little secret here, I have never played Beer Pong. Shocking, I know. I think the reason is that since I began drinking, I have just hung around with people who prefer playing Ring of Fire and other games that involve less skill.

After throwing some table tennis balls into some cups slightly filled with beer, we made it over to our friends house to transform ourselves into cave men. Oh, and to fake tan ourselves. It was at this point that I made a mental note to myself, "I look ridiculous with fake tan on".

More drinks were had and by this point, my memory of the night becomes slightly hazy. So, I will skip to the next most interesting point of the night I can remember. My housemate getting kicked out of the Union. Tragic? No. Funny? Yes, most definitely.

So, I accompanied my housemate back to our house and this was where we ran into trouble. Seeing as we where wearing just some fabric, we didn't have our house keys on us. How the hell were we going to get in?

Through the window.

Yep, we tried to get in through the second floor window that was slightly ajar. To get through the window, my housemate tried to push me onto the roof and then climb through. He boosted me up onto the roof whilst standing on the bin and it is now that I should point out that trying to  climb through a fairly high-up window whilst drunk is probably not the best idea.

We abandoned this reckless idea and went to one of the houses we were at during the evening to pick up our key, yet we were unsure if anyone was in. We knocked at the door. No response. So, we knocked again.Success! Someone came to the door, and she didn't look happy. We instructed her to get us our trousers and shirts and we then apologised for waking her up.

I woke up on Sunday morning with some random slight bruises. I'm telling you now that I'm trying to piece together how I got those very bruises.

The Tesco Employee

It’s Saturday night. It’s 10PM. Strangely enough, I’m in the nearest Tesco superstore with some friends and we are searching for snacks and drinks for what can only be described as a gathering at a friend’s home. Being the generous soul I am, I offered to drive to Tesco so I was on the energy drinks whilst others in our party picked up various different ciders and many different snacks from Doritos to Skittles.
At this point, seeing as we are law abiding citizens we decided to pay. How noble of us. To avoid the slow and possible mundane conversation with a human cashier, we thought it best to use the tills we’re you scan your own products and pay.

Suddenly, a man strolled over. He was a man with a Tesco badge with his name on. He told us that there were too many of us using the till and that some of us should move out the way. Even though he looked quite young, despite his tall and round nature, three of us took this command and moved.

Two minutes later the same man was back. ‘What does he want now?’ I thought. It turns out he wanted a chat. Now, I am more than welcome to chat to a stranger for two minutes. However, this man looked a bit creepy. Plus, his conversational starters were a little odd. ‘Does the fact that I passed my consumer law exams just yesturday mean I can give out instructions?’ I was lost for words. Did he think we were his boss? Did he think we were covert examiners judging his post-exam actions? We realised now, none of us had said anything for a while so we all responded with a nonchalant, non-committal ‘Probably’.

It is now that I wish I could say he left us and went away. But that would be a lie. For a few minutes he carried on his bizarre discussions and then issued a sentance that stunned us all. ‘You know that Tesco have got such a big legal team…it’d be stupid to take them on in court’. So now, whilst Phil, Dan and I stood by the front of the store we were apparently giving off the look of a group of people intent on taking Tesco to court for no specified reason. Seeing as Dan is not from England, he seemed a bit scared by this man so we tried our best to wrap things up and Phil said, ‘Yes, Tesco does have a big legal team doesn’t it’. We hoped this would make him leave, but he left with some good advice for us. Or for anyone who doesn’t fancy taking on a large Supermarket chain.

‘If you want to take someone on, go for Lidl’.

The rest of our party had finished paying and we left the store no doubt plotting our legal challenge to Lidl. Or possibly Aldi as well.