The Job Rejection

It's a typical Wednesday morning for me. I'm at a computer in the university library casually checking my e-mails when I notice that I have a bundle of new mail waiting for me to read. The majority of it is spam or job advertisements, hardly what you can call exciting stuff. Then I see it. It is sitting there in my inbox and I know my fate will be sealed with this single e-mail.

I open the e-mail and I pray. Well, I didn't really pray as that would probably look a bit strange at 10AM in a university library. I scanned through the writing and I was most pleased by the opening compliment of having an "impressive background and experience" but then I saw those fateful words that spelt out my doom, "we have decided on this occasion and after careful consideration not to take your application further".

Drats. I had been rejected for a job by Lidl. Yes, that cheap German supermarket.

I've just realised that you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Well, let me fill you in. As I am a final year undergraduate student, I am currently spending large portions of my time applying for graduate schemes so that I have a well paid job once my time at university comes to an end. On this occasion, I had reached an Assessment Centre for a Graduate Store Manager role with Lidl but I had subsequently failed to reach the next round of the process.

I've suffered a lot of rejection so far but I thought that once I reached an Assessment Centre my personality would shine through and they would offer me the job there and then. Well, perhaps not right there and then. Heck, they even said in the rejection e-mail that they liked my personality. I decided that something must be up, there must be some reason as to why I'm getting nowhere in my job hunt. Then I figured out exactly why.

Cosmic ordering. Of course.

I was stumbling around the internet when I came across a link about Noel Edmonds telling the world about how he believed that cosmic ordering had landed him the plum role as the host of Deal or No Deal. For those who are uncertain as to what cosmic ordering is, well Wikipedia says that "a person can simply write down their wish list and wait for it to become reality" as long as "individuals can use their desires to connect with the cosmos".

Whether it has any solid scientific grounding is slightly questionnable, but if it's good enough for Noel Edmonds then it's good enough for me. Now that is sound logic.

I wrote my wish list down and I spent some time that morning trying to connect my desires with the cosmos.

Later that evening I recieved another e-mail. It was an offer of a telephone interview for a Graduate Management scheme from a well known hotel chain.

That wasn't on my wish list. This cosmic ordering lark clearly wasn't working.

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The Return To University

It's that time of the year yet again.

Nope, I'm not talking about the time to start breaking those hard thought New Years Resolutions. No, I am talking about the return to university for the second term of the year.

It is a big time of year for every student. The next batch of coursework needs to be written, exams need to be revised for and the dissertation has to be written.

However, beyond the work that I manage to get done with some hard-work and effort, I also have to be applying for jobs.

The reason why? Oh, because I keep getting rejected by every single one I apply for. I received rejection from Apple, United Biscuits didn't quite want me to reach their assessment centre stage whilst Lidl decided that despite my experience and personality, I wasn't quite right.

I'm still in the dilemma that I was in before. I don't know whether I quite want to enter the world of work yet but on the other hand I'm not totally motivated by the idea of doing a postgraduate degree.

However, one idea is bubbling away that seems to be swaying me towards preferring the job route. Quite simply, I want to go travelling in the summer and see as much of the world as possible. The problem is, this will only be possible if I have a guaranteed job waiting for me come September.

Is that the correct motivation to want a job? Probably not. Do I really care? Not really. Not really.

The Lidl Job Interview

Checking through your e-mail inbox is usually a fairly standard procedure. No, I don't want to buy viagra. No, I don't want to give you my credit card details just because I've won the Nigerian Lottery, which I don't remember entering. Oh, hello. What's this?

It was an e-mail for Lidl inviting me to a group interview at their Regional Distribution Centre. I was pretty suprised. I say I was suprised because Lidl say that you will hear back within 28 days of applying. I hadn't heard back for two months. Still, it was pleasing and I made my plans to head to the interview.

The day swiftly came. It began early, too early if I may say so. I woke up at 6:30AM to ensure I got a lift from my Mum to New Malden station for the 7:25AM train. Now, I planned to go to McDonald's and have one of their delicious breakfasts. I got out of the car. The lights were on and I could almost taste the McBacon Sandwich. However, it wasn't open. 9AM. Fuck. I was two hours early. 

I hasten to say that it was a freezing cold morning and I didn't take a coat as I was suited and booted and I thought a coat would ruin the ambience that I was building in my dress sense. So far things were not going my way. 

However, by the time that I reached London Waterloo, things were looking up. Burger King was open. Success. They did a Sausage Sandwich. Even more of a result. They also served lots of tiny Hash Browns. This was excellent. I made the short journey to Waterloo East and waited for my train like the cat who got the cream, or in my case, the cat who got his breakfast. 

The train journey flew by. I reached Belvedere (No, I haven't got a clue where it is still) and I checked my watch. It was 8:30. Hold up. 8:30? I was an hour and a half early and the Regional Distribution Centre was just 15 minutes away. I didn't want to seem that keen that Lidl would probably eject me from the premises. What would I do?

Well, I discovered a large B&Q. Oh, and it was warm. Very warm. So, I spent about 45 minutes in the store pretending to take an interest in its many, many household products. I even rated every kitchen design they'd put together out of ten in my head. I will tell you now, B&Q do a cracking range of showers. 

After leaving B&Q, I made the short journey to the centre. I reached some traffic lights and I pressed the button. I waited patiently, largely because I didn't want to be run over by the traffic. However, some social rebel soon turned up and she pressed the button. She was rude, very rude. Does she not trust that I have pressed the button?

Anyway, I arrived and the interview and subsequent math test went suprisingly well. I even managed to sneak in a question about the Working Time Directive. That is how cool I am. I know about this stuff. 

I got back on the train home and reflected on how grown up I had been today. I was dressed up in a suit and tie, the interview had gone well and it had felt like a successful day. 

I await the rejection letter from Lidl.

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The Tesco Employee

It’s Saturday night. It’s 10PM. Strangely enough, I’m in the nearest Tesco superstore with some friends and we are searching for snacks and drinks for what can only be described as a gathering at a friend’s home. Being the generous soul I am, I offered to drive to Tesco so I was on the energy drinks whilst others in our party picked up various different ciders and many different snacks from Doritos to Skittles.
At this point, seeing as we are law abiding citizens we decided to pay. How noble of us. To avoid the slow and possible mundane conversation with a human cashier, we thought it best to use the tills we’re you scan your own products and pay.

Suddenly, a man strolled over. He was a man with a Tesco badge with his name on. He told us that there were too many of us using the till and that some of us should move out the way. Even though he looked quite young, despite his tall and round nature, three of us took this command and moved.

Two minutes later the same man was back. ‘What does he want now?’ I thought. It turns out he wanted a chat. Now, I am more than welcome to chat to a stranger for two minutes. However, this man looked a bit creepy. Plus, his conversational starters were a little odd. ‘Does the fact that I passed my consumer law exams just yesturday mean I can give out instructions?’ I was lost for words. Did he think we were his boss? Did he think we were covert examiners judging his post-exam actions? We realised now, none of us had said anything for a while so we all responded with a nonchalant, non-committal ‘Probably’.

It is now that I wish I could say he left us and went away. But that would be a lie. For a few minutes he carried on his bizarre discussions and then issued a sentance that stunned us all. ‘You know that Tesco have got such a big legal team…it’d be stupid to take them on in court’. So now, whilst Phil, Dan and I stood by the front of the store we were apparently giving off the look of a group of people intent on taking Tesco to court for no specified reason. Seeing as Dan is not from England, he seemed a bit scared by this man so we tried our best to wrap things up and Phil said, ‘Yes, Tesco does have a big legal team doesn’t it’. We hoped this would make him leave, but he left with some good advice for us. Or for anyone who doesn’t fancy taking on a large Supermarket chain.

‘If you want to take someone on, go for Lidl’.

The rest of our party had finished paying and we left the store no doubt plotting our legal challenge to Lidl. Or possibly Aldi as well.