The Time When I Fell Off A Chair

It was a simple Wednesday afternoon at university. I had finished my Public Affairs class after an interesting, if relatively dull, trip to Surrey County Council.

I had just found out that there was a branch of Subway on campus, and in an attempt to cure my hunger, I headed over to the fast-food outlet.

After walking back to the postgraduate cafe to devour my Italian BMT, I waited for some people to leave their seats so I could sit near my friends.

I confidently strode over to the now vacant chair with a sense of urgency and a wanting to eat this warm and juicy 6 inch sub.

I sat down and subsequently tumbled onto the floor. The floor gave way like a flimsy piece of paper.

Embarrassed and humiliated, I looked at the broken chair on the floor with a look of puzzlement to give off an air of control over the situation. I hoped my face looked like one of passing the blame onto the chair.

My friends were laughing like hyenas and I stood in a passive-aggressive manner. The chair had let me down like a disappointed father.

The manager of the cafe gave me the e-mail address of the university cafe manager to complain, yet I have still to do this and tell of my anger.

Whenever I go to sit on a chair, I now have to check time and time again to ensure my safe sitting can ensue.

The Run

I'm standing in the hallway of my house and I’m putting on my old, battered Nike trainers. I select an appropriate and energetic song on my iPhone, pop my earphones in and then I head outside to face the full force of this cold and crisp November day.

Today I am no ordinary student, I am student who is about to go running through the mean streets of Kingston.

It is at this point that I should probably explain. I have taken part in numerous sports throughout my life yet I’ve never gone jogging in Kingston, despite the fact I used to compete for my secondary school in athletics and cross-country events. I reasoned that it was probably time to become of those people you see pounding the pavement.

For my debut running adventure I rationed that it was probably wise to run a route that I was familiar with. I decided to head in the direction of university. Despite the chilly conditions, I began jogging down my road and through Green Lane Park. As someone who is afraid of dogs, I knew I had made a tactical error by running through a park full of the four-legged creatures. I plotted a course well away from any dogs and proceeded through.

During my athletics days I was always paranoid about setting off at too quick a pace. By the time I had reached the alley-way by Berrylands train station I began to suspect that I was sprinting. This must have made me look slightly strange, so I eased off the pace and tried to maintain a gentle speed.

After passing the sewage works and cemetery that have become regular sights on my daily walk to university, I reached the houses on Lower Marsh Lane. It was at this point that I passed a scruffy looking man carrying a plastic bag which looked to be containing cans of Special Brew. It wasn’t even Midday. I began to suspect that he wasn’t likely to join me in taking up running.

After passing the man, it struck me that the Royal Borough of Kingston is a wonderfully varied place. In the space of roughly ten minutes I had passed through a park, past a pub, through a winding alley and jogged by a cemetery, a Sikh temple and then a potential morning drinker.

Once this thought cleared, I had reached Villiers Road. I was faced by an important decision, which way to go? I could either head left taking the shorter route through Berrylands, albeit up a hill, or I could turn right and run the lengthy distance back home via Kingston town centre.

I opted left but the hill proved one step too far. Near the top I reached a conveniently placed bench which I proceeded to sit at for a while. I took stock of my run and gave myself a B- for effort. My report card would read – “Could do better but an encouraging first try.”

I walked the rest of the way home and began searching for running apps on my phone to aid my future endeavours. It’s probably better if I leave the selection of a route to technology next time.